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Advice On How To Help A Child Deal With The Impending Death Of A Sibling

Your first inclination is to protect your children from sadness, hurt and grief, particularly when the death of one of their siblings or even a family member may occur. Everyone at some point in their lives will lose a family member to an accident or illness. While adults may seek counseling and even turn to books to determine how to accept the loss of a loved one, what do children do? They turn to their family and even other trusted adults like a pastor or teacher for comfort and answers.

The role as the parent is to effectively find a way to help your child understand the death and help them in the grieving process. Kids can and will likely respond differently when understanding what a terminal illness and death is. They may not always show grief openly but that doesn’t mean they do not feel. Your interactions with your child in explaining and dealing with death will have a huge impact on them.

Dealing with the illness and death of a family member, particularly a sibling, upsets the family dynamic. Their day to day lives are interrupted with responsibilities shifting and new roles created. Your child will not only grieve for their sibling but also for their accustomed way of life they had become used to. They will grieve for their parents as well. It is important for you as a parent not to shut down or shut out your child or remaining children. This will not help them or you.

Understand that children will likely grieve several times, especially when they experience death at a young age. This is because they will understand concepts of death at a gradual pace and may revisit that earlier loss with a new perspective and understanding. Eventually that loss of a loved one will be poignant memory.

Be prepared that for many questions from your child about death. Often, they will repeat the same questions over and over again. While it may drive you crazy, try and refrain from showing your exasperation with them. Asking questions over and over is their way of assimilating the information you give them so that they can grief and come to terms with the loss of a loved one. By showing patience with them, you are doing so much more. You are instilling in them trust in your relationship with them as well as providing stability.

Kids do not need you to sugarcoat the fact someone died nor do they need you to hide the details. By being honest with them and sharing the facts, based on their age, they will be better equipped to grieve. As the dying process occurs, particularly with a sibling, allow your child to help in the caretaking, as much as they can handle. Witnessing for themselves what is going on will help them grieve once their loved one dies.

Encourage your child to express their feelings and share yours. By admitting that you are sad, scared and even mad, this gives credence to their own feelings and they are less likely to have trouble expressing their grief. Follow their lead when it comes to saying goodbye at the funeral. Some children will not want to, prefer to say goodbye in their own way while others will want to be involved in choosing music, the burial outfit or even placing a memento inside the casket. By following some of the above advice, you can help allay your surviving children's fears as well as help them properly express grief.